a few stories about my creative process as a young deviant


when i was around 10, i decided i was going to write a choose-your-own-adventure romance book, except i accidentally printed it off without noticing. my parents found it and confronted me to ask if i truly understood what a ‘french kiss’ was. i was ashamed of being found out, but mostly offended they thought i didn’t know my subject matter.

i didn’t watch all those mary kate & ashley movies for nothing, y’all.

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in 5th grade i drew nipples on a male character and this lil narc ass student told the teacher on me, complaining that i'd drawn nipnops.

the teacher was just like, "well. men do have nipples."

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at 12 i was googling something, and in the results there was a yuri picture. i thought, verbatim: "there's nothing more beautiful than two girls embracing." (i was a verbose bab.) then i was appalled because GAY IS WRONG AND SIN but i could never unthink it.

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in freshman year, i said 'jerk-off' while talking on the phone with the youth pastor’s wife. i didn’t know what it meant and i was quoting foamy the squirrel. mum heard me and flipped out.

a few years later, i called dumbledore a ‘twat’ in front of another church person — i didn’t know the meaning of that one, either. i just thought it sounded better than ‘git,’ (which was the original quote) and made the executive decision to change it. mum flipped out about that one, too.

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when i was around 16, i developed a brief hero worship of this guy who wrote a really good naruto/dune crossover. he had his AIM handle on his profile and i excitedly messaged him. tell me why the first thing he did was read my fanfiction and rule that my work was "okay, but..."

i was embarrassed and upset, but i still read the (overly dark, fetishized, wish fulfillment) fanfic by the guy who he referenced as an example of “truly” good work. somewhere after that, though, i found a smut fic that was co-written by the two of them.

tell me why i read with my own two face eyes, the phrase, "mushroom head of his dick" in this fuckin' piece of erotic naruto fanfiction, as written by two GROWN MEN? i was 14 when i wrote my first sex scene. i didn't know how a clitoris worked and i still produced better writing than that.

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looking back, i’m not really surprised that mum has handled my weirder creative decisions (such as the interspecies alien smut and the surrealist bondage) so well. there were a lot of signs.

… 'mushroom head' ass bitch.

#queer #mature #writing #humour

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